Have you ever had to sit through one of those terrible and tedious wedding videos, oohing and ahhing to appease the gloating bride sitting next to you?  Well that happened to me today and in my frustration for the 4 hour mind-suck I endured, I decided to write this list of Top Ten Wedding Videographers You DON’T Want to Hire!   In no particular order…

10) The “Trust Me, I Went to USC” Videographer – This is the guy that will list off how many weddings he has shot, the fancy equipment he uses and the film school he attended; but doesn’t have a cohesive example of his actual work.  Unless yours is the first wedding in his portfolio, a truly professional videographer will always have a reel.  It’s the most important sales tool they have and will no doubt be the decision-maker for you.

9) The “Papparazzi” Videographer  – There are some Brides who relish the camera-in- your-face limelight they get to experience on their wedding day; but for most couples, the idea of an over-intrusive videographer is a well-merited concern.  I’ve been to weddings where the entire ceremony was blocked by the cameraman standing right in front of the couple as he battled with the photographer for the perfect shot.  Not only is this incredibly rude to the guests but it’s an unwanted distraction for the couple.  The wedding video should document the event as naturally as possible and people will always act differently when they know they are being filmed.  You know how reality shows always talk about the “4th Wall”?  Make sure this is a concept your videographer understands.

The “Atari” Videographer – This simply refers to the guy with equipment more than 5  years old which, in technology terms, is considered Jurassic.  Technologies improve and upgrade every year and a professional in this field must keep up with standards.  This rule does not apply as much to the recording instruments as it does the distribution method.  I can’t blame a guy for holding on to a $5000 camera for more than a few years, but I will not stand for the guy that delivers a VHS tape of your wedding.  A client of mine once received DVD’s that didn’t work in any of her players and all the replacement copies had the same problem.  To this day she still has not seen her video.  Sorry beta-lovers, all your base are belong to us no longer.

7) The “Auto-Pilot” Videographer – Have you ever watch a wedding video and wondered if it was in fact the hotel surveillance camera?  Sure the videographer had the tape rolling but… was he awake?  When viewing a videographer’s reel, look for how active he is with the shots.  Is his camera planted in one corner of the room, parked on the vast sea of fuzzy faces?  Or is he moving around, actively documenting the people, the food, the decorations and favors … the general ambiance?   Remember, there is a difference between the in-your-face paparazzi videographer and the videographer that can quietly capture those important individual moments.  This rule also applies to editing.  As much fun as you think it may be to re-watch your entire 5-hour wedding in real-time, it’s not.  With the exception of the ceremony and toasts, a video should be a condensed package of highlights and anything less is just lazy editing.  If you happen to have an extra camera and tripod, then a time-lapse of the dance floor is always fun – just don’t pay someone to do it.

6) The “Bells & Whistles” Videographer – This is the pseudo-amateur who just discovered the heart-shaped dissolve effect on his editing software and decides to use it on every scene transition.  These chintzy features may be cute to see once or twice  but beware of the guy that overuses editing gimmicks to mask his lack of talent.  The ideal video is one that lets the imagery and emotion carry the story,  not a painted-over showcase of cupid borders and tacky wedding b-roll he found on youtube.

5) The “I Was in the Bathroom” Videographer  – Over the course of a typical five or six hour wedding, there are key moments that must be captured and it is the responsibility of your videographer to know what these moments are and when they will take place.  Since video can record aspects that a still camera cannot, priorities are crucial.  How disappointed would you be to sit through a half hour of buffet footage then discover there is no coverage of the Toasts because your video guy was sitting down to take his buffet break?  Trust me it happens.  As nit-picky as it may seem, it never hurts to clearly state your expectations ahead of time.

4) The “Blair Witch” Videographer – It seems silly to ask a videographer if he owns a tripod but do it!  The last thing you want is a video that makes you physically ill to watch because your shoulder-jockey of a videographer can’t steady the camera.  If they do decide to play “hand-held action news guy” make sure they know about a little feature called image stabilization.

3) The “Equipment Malfunction” Videographer – This is the guys whose got an excuse for everything.  The batteries died.  The light was too low.  The Officiant wasn’t wearing a microphone.  I ran out of videotape.  Or my personal favorite – the lens cap was just… stuck!  A professional always comes prepared with extra batteries, lights, videotape, microphones, extension cords and if he’s really good – an extra camera.  When you’re shopping around, its a good idea to ask what they bring for back-up.

2) The “I HEART  Journey” Videographer - Do you know what the soundtrack to your wedding video will be?  If not then your videographer is going to do one of two things.  a) He will add no music at all and leave you listening to clanking dishes, cursing waiters and that intolerable feedback between the speakers and the camcorder’s cheap built-in mic.  Or b) He’s happily added his own love song favorites and you are now being introduced in to the reception to the tune of “Open Arms”.  A good videographer will always allow you to provide the songs you want and an even better guy will get them for you at an additional fee (itunes is a gem for this sort of thing).  Here’s a novel idea…. have your videographer dub over the actual song from your first dance rather using the original reception hall recording.  Replacing the ambient noise fuzz with a crystal clear sound will vastly improve the sentiment of that special scene.

1) The “Michael Moore” Videographer – Most couples love the idea of  video messages from their guests but not every guest feels comfortable talking… especially in front of some weirdo AV guy.    When people are pressured to speak on camera they end up looking awkward, uncomfortable and all you get out of them is cheap congratulatory rhetoric.   Now that’s not to say that a good videographer shouldn’t encourage the speaking guest with questions to incite their speech-giving or story-telling juices.  But make sure your wedding testimonials are a fun, voluntary activity, not a nerve-racking obligation.   A private video booth is a great alternative to relying on your videographer for this and you typically see more intimate, quality results.   People really open up when there’s no one else around to hear it

I write The Taboo Ten from my observations as a wedding planner and my experience as a videographer.  If I have been too critical or have offended any video professionals, please know that I am one of you geeks too and accept my playful jabs as constructive criticism.  Filming a wedding is not an easy job and I give all the credit in the world to my fellow artists who take on that heavy responsibility.  Happy filming and always remember extra batteries!